From ‘What’s Wrong With You?’ to ‘What Happened to You?’: Louise Rellis on Youth Trauma and Resilience

“The nervous system runs the show, even when you think you’re in control.” - Louise Rellis

In this episode, I speak with Louise Rellis, founder of the ANAM Rural Youth Association, about providing vital mental health support to marginalized youth in Alberta. We discuss the effects of trauma on behavior and practical strategies for emotional regulation, including informal conversation techniques that create a safe space for youth to express themselves.

Louise emphasizes the importance of community and the role of compassionate adults in fostering resilience. We explore accessible explanations of polyvagal theory and share stories of hope and transformation through trauma-informed care. This conversation highlights the need for understanding and support to empower young people to overcome challenges and thrive.

BIO

Louise Rellis is the Founder and Executive Director of Anam Rural Youth Association, a mobile, trauma-integrated support service for marginalized, at-risk and systen-disconnected youth and young adults across Central Alberta. Through Anam, she meets young people where they are-literally and emotionally-removing access barriers and providing one-on-one trauma-integrated care. Anam’s work is grounded in the belief that every young person deserves to recognize their worth and potential, especially those who have been disconnected from traditional systems.

Louise is also the founder of Mt. Leinster Consulting, where she provides a non-clinical mental health support for adults who haven’t found success in conventional settings. Her consulting work includes community and workplace traumatology, trauma-integrated workshops, and organizational support rooted in Polyvagal Theory and lived experience.

Known for her direct, practical, and deeply human approach, Louise challenges the diluted, buzzword version of “trauma-informed” care and instead champions trauma-integrated practice-an approach that assumes trauma is present and shapes every element of how support is delivered.

Her work has been recognised for advancing equitable access to mental health support and amplifying the voices of youth often invisible in traditional research and service design.

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/louise-rellis-017a77110/

Website:  https://mountleinsterconsulting.ca/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/anamruralyouth/

Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/anamruralyouth/  

Chapters

• 0:08 Introduction to Resilience
• 2:04 Meeting Louise Relis
• 2:30 Louise's Unique Approach
• 6:17 Understanding Trauma in Youth
• 10:59 The Impact of Environment
• 20:45 Strategies for School Challenges
• 26:01 Diving into Polyvagal Theory
• 43:24 Lessons on Resilience
• 48:45 Sustaining Personal Well-being
• 53:10 Final Thoughts on Growth

Transcript

0:04

This is It's an Inside Job, and I'm your host, Jason Lim. This is the show where we explore the stories, strategies, and science behind growing resilience, nurturing well-being, and leading with intent. Because when it comes down to it, it's all an inside job. There are days when everything feels a bit too much, when your body is on high alert before your mind even catches up. And if that's tough for us as adults, it's almost impossible for a young person who hasn't had anyone explain what's happening inside them. So here's something worth thinking about as we get started. What if the problem isn't the behavior we see, but the nervous system underneath it? Well, today I'm joined by my guest, Louise Relis. Now, she's the founder and executive director of ANAM Rural Youth Association. It's a mobile trauma integrated support service for marginalized, at-risk, and system-disconnected youth and young adults through Alberta. Now, through ANAM, she meets young people where they are literally and emotionally, removing access barriers and providing one-on-one trauma-integrated care. Now, Anam's work is grounded in the belief that every young person deserves to recognize their worth and potential, especially those who have been disconnected from traditional systems. So in today's episode, Louise shares some practical ways to spot when someone is overwhelmed and what you can do in the moment to steady things. Why simple physical supports like movement or chewing gum or eating a proper meal matters more than we think. And how to explain the nervous system's concepts in plain language so young people and their caregivers can actually understand what's going on. And then there's the one idea she brings up, something small but quite profound. That I'll say for the end of this episode. It's something I think more of us need to hear. So without further ado, let's slip into the stream and meet Luis Reles. Much rather than me. Could we kick off the episode by you introducing who you are and what you do? Thank you. I'm Louise Rellis, as you pointed out. I am from Black Falls, Alberta. I'm a trauma integrated practitioner. I'm a community workplace traumatologist, certified applied metapsychology facilitator and certified polyvagal therapy practitioner. I work with those who haven't had success with traditional mental health services I founded the non-profit honourable youth and will be five years next year it is a mobile mental health support service where I travel to marginalize at-risk system disconnected youth and who have refused traditional mental health support but still need mental health support and that practice is I travel to my the youth it's aged from age 13 to 25 pick them up in my vehicle sessions happen in the vehicle it's utilizing studies that say the best time to talk to teenagers while you're driving I bring them for something to eat via drive-through I incorporate the food because of the chewing motion of the jaw helps you self-regulate so it aids building connection with these hard-to-reach kids while also maintaining casual informal setting we're in the car. Again we're talking without looking at each other we're side by side those conversations are based around the development of the brain impact of trauma lived experience and the reasons why behind behaviour struggles and emotions so it's introspective education is kind of getting their story of their lived experience their narrative of their lived experience. And working from that aspect I'm not a counsellor therapist and I make it clear to those that I'm not and I work outside with same goals and intentions to help our youth but I work with those who won't see counsellors and therapists just because they are a counsellor and in my private practice that I work very very part-time with a little bit of extra time that I have is Mount Cleanser Consulting where I meet with those adults who haven't had success or traditional services and have the capacity to come into the office and that is uh foundationally mainly the applied metapsychology it's a very structured format to release emotional charges that have been stuck in the body and it's a rapid release of trauma and i see great success with with my clients in the office who i've had some who said they've been 13 years in therapy and compared to five months in sessions with the applied metapsychology has released uh what they've been battling with so that's um i'm an irish immigrant i suppose i should have led with that at the very start if my accent is not giving me away that i don't sound canadian yeah you definitely don't sound like you're from alberta no i'm 13 years um in canada now but yeah that's uh i we moved i moved my family emigrated uh at the time we moved we only had two kids we now have four daughters. And yeah, myself and my husband emigrated from Ireland. And that's what I want to explore with you. And part of that is the applied metapsychology, because there are a number of, you know, disciplines that we can deal with trauma. And it's not always just trauma. It's just sometimes my listeners want to know, how do I deal with mental stress? How do I deal with rumination and anxiety and sometimes depressive thoughts? How do I get myself out of a funk? You know, How do I find traction? And I found in our pre-interview, a lot of what you do is fascinating and it's a different take on how we can, lead ourselves from the inside out. And that's the conversation I want to have with you today and to learn more about what you do and how you apply it. I guess to kick off, what brought you to this space? I mean, what brought you to sort of trauma integrated therapy per se? Great question. And I was contemplating that myself before this interview, like I figured I'm going to be asked the why why why this and I think it runs deeper than I originally thought because um there was there was a point in my previous role I worked in trauma as a responder and there was a frustration of these system disconnected youth and just because it didn't fit into the typical box of what um you should fit into for therapy that they didn't have the parents with the ability to bring them to the offices and there's parent conflict then as the kid doesn't if there's parent conflict at home they're not they're less likely to follow through as well with these with these sessions going to offices and there was a part of me that was frustrated with that like we know more now about the nervous system than we've ever known in the past we know more now about mental health than we've ever known in the past we know the best time to talk to teenagers while we're driving so why are we judging them because they won't walk into an office and sit down we know what happens if they've grown up in trauma dysregulation toxic environments. We know where the nervous system is at, especially as an adolescent brain development. Again, why are we judging them by leaving them at home? And that was a repeated frustration of mine. And there was an incident with a call that I was responded to. And a youth from that call came back and specifically asked for me that they were who I was connected to. And I was left frustrated after because I was reminded that they're not supposed to come back and ask for us. They're supposed to go to the referrals that we give to them. and that frustrated me because I'm like we should be applauding that they're actually coming back for support and not going doing something that they shouldn't do to regulate but I think it kind of ran deeper for me and yes and what I was seeing in my work but I feel that I've never had it myself as unfortunate as they had my biggest trauma in my life was not the biggest traumas that I was seeing in the youth that I was working with. And if I felt so bad and hard in my own trauma that I experienced, how bad could it be for these? And the support when they don't have the parents to recognise that you need mental health support. It was a piece of like, if I could give to them something that I never received myself, even though my traumas was never to the extent of their traumas, it's like that... It was a piece of me that I felt I could give because I understood the nervous system. I have a diploma in child psychology that I had before I left Ireland and it gave me that bit of a background. And my first role when I first moved here was around area childhood brain development. And that gave me more knowledge and then the more aware of trauma. And I delved into education, upgrading myself and learning as much as I could. And I recognised that I have an approach that's different. And sometimes I blame my ADHD brain. Sometimes I blame my stubbornness, because if there is a just I suppose there's an element of if we don't fit into the box, why is there a box? Why are we giving this sort of structure that people who are dysregulated, who are in crisis, who experience trauma and they're supposed to meet these checkboxes? And if they don't, well, that's on them because they're not coming into the office. So I think it was a combination of how hard I felt I was when, and honestly, my biggest trauma that I felt at the time was my parents' divorce and their rupture and everything that came from it. And my feelings coming out of that, not comparing them to the youth, but just recognizing, holy hell, I can't imagine how they feel with their lived experiences. And if I can help them recognize that they're not the problem, that their reactions and their behaviors are from the turmoil that they're coming from, it's from the chaos that they've lived and the mess that's kind of instrued in that chaos. And is helping them kind of build their resilience from that. Recognize that our environments are not indicative of our identity. It's not who we're going to be. It doesn't limit us just because the people in our environment can't see how they've hurt us, can't see the ramifications of their actions and are not taking accountability for their actions. And instead, like, look at you as the issue and not kind of taking accountability themselves. If I can help these youth especially at a time in their life that's pivotal because the brain isn't fully developed until between at least the age of 25 up to 32 in some cases but the first five years of life is the most rapid period of brain development with adolescence being the second rapid period of brain development if I can help them at that crucial time understand the impact of the traumas and the experience they've had on them and their nervous system recognizing their ability to cope with this to manage this to acknowledge this and develop the resilience that they've created because they have resilience because they've developed mechanisms to survive and unhealthy situations chaotic toxic very dysfunctional some cases very abusive situations they've developed coping mechanisms how can i help them see that recognize that and grow from that their own ability in... Again, their environment is not indicative of their identity and recognizing, too, you don't grow up, you don't wake up with the ability to do something that wasn't modeled for you. The best thing about the brain is retrainable. We can train the brain at any stage of our lives. But it's recognizing there's expectations on these kids to be regulated. There's expectations on these kids to sit in classrooms when they don't have the ability to because of the environments that they're coming from. So if I can help them see that, if I can help them recognize the coping mechanisms they've developed, but re-channel it into healthier resilience tactics. And I think a lot of, which is a broader answer to the direct question that you asked, but I think it's just all of that mashed together is the why. I struggle with again traditional settings as a traditional 50 minute therapy setting a lot of these youth it takes them that it can take them nearly that to regulate to build the ability like can I trust you are you going to hurt me Because they haven't had the opportunity to sort of feel safe in that vulnerability. So it's, again, that's why it's driving that. The study's shown it's like when you're not face to face with teenagers, they open up more. Feeding them as well, too. It's like people are more comfortable when they're eating. But as I say to my clients, when I explain the why behind that chewing motion of the jaw to self-regulate, I tell them, I say, I'm tricking you into trusting me. is for you to feel comfortable, maintain casual, informal. It's again, looking at that system doesn't work for you. So why are we not changing our systems? And a lot of that is what I do in recognizing that broader scope when it comes to victims and trauma, survivors of trauma. And trauma is, it's not big T, small T. It's when I look at trauma and I explain to my clients in both Anam and in Mount Lenster it's trauma is anything that leaves an emotional charge stuck in your body it's not always a case of what happened to you but it's how you felt from what happened and a lot of times too then there is sometimes it's built over multiple instances over time sometimes it can be that one event and but also times too it's what was your capacity before that event Because if your capacity has been dysfunctional, if your capacity has been in chaos at home or whether it's a toxic environment, your ability to manage sort of higher emotional events as you're older is not sort of fully available to you. So it's also an element of helping these youths recognize their ability, you know, might be limited because of experiences, but it's not impossible to... Mend those fractures and and build them better and i think that's a as i said a broader answer to your no no but it's a a simple question but there's a complex answer to that simplicity you know if we just kind of circle back as you said it the critical junction is in that brain development when they're teenagers when something happens to them that they don't blame themselves but you give them the vernacular, the terminology, the knowledge to try to create mental hooks. Because as you said, it's the brain, it's the body doing its thing under survival mode based on evolutionary wetware, our programming that allows us to create this. It helps us to create some sort of buffer. But in modern times, contemporary times, that can be more functional than functional. And for children and teenagers and young adults to understand that I'm not broken, this is just my body creating a defense mechanism per se, coping mechanisms, to allow me to deal with the situation. But sometimes that gets stuck. But I think also many adults don't have the vernacular or the terminology to put words onto what they are feeling. They don't know, they don't have the knowledge or the education or the experience to understand how to cathartically move through things. And I think what you have to say is very, very important, not just to young adults, but I think for the general population. So perhaps could we do a little bit of a short masterclass on sort of nervous system, dysregulation? And I like the way you said it's the emotional charge stuck in the body at an experience. We can call it trauma or we can call it a negative experience, whatever. But that experience exists. Can shape our body and our nervous system could you do a little sort of short master class to educate myself and our listeners and how that shows up so a youth a young a teenager 14 15 years of age a lot of trouble in school a lot of behavioral disruption a lot of speaking back to the teacher a lot of outbursts in the classroom um for a number of for growing extenuating in, behavioural negative behaviour this youth um approximately maybe three years prior children's services was involved in the family because dad was physical with the kids and it got to the point where it was reported to police and children's services was involved so dad went and took anger management the the the charge charge and was received anger management um for not tripping over my words. He did the classes that he was required to do. So what ultimately ended up happening as I worked with this youth, because this was like the three or four years later when they referred to me. Dad was still aggressive at home. He wasn't physical because he knew I can't be physical anymore because they're older now. They are answering me back and they're calling the cops on me. So I don't get away with being physical. But I'm going to give them the impression that I'm going to hit them. I'm going to come up in their face and I'm going to use my hand. I'm not going to actually hit them, but I'm going to give the impression I'm going to hit them. And this youth doesn't have the, can't stand up for themselves. Like can't respond to that. In a sense where they feel safe. They're afraid that they're going to be hit even though dad isn't. He's very volatile, very kind of verbally aggressive at home. So the youth is going from home to school. So they're escalated at home. They're in flight mode and they have taken off and sort of police have brought them back a few times, but nothing really can be done because dad isn't actually physical. But they're going to school and in school, you're supposed to sit in the classroom. You're supposed to sit for some depending on the classes it's an hour and for some it's a bit modest some is a bit more but this youth is coming in with a dysregulated nervous system they're up here they're on high alert because at home before they leave their bedroom they're listening to hear dad they're listening to hear okay is dad in the kitchen do I need to avoid him what what's his tone of voice who else is in the kitchen like they're reading the rooms of other rooms before they've walked into it, it's almost like that they're walking in eggshells and they don't even realize they're doing this. They're trying to avoid a dad if possible. So whether they're trying to whatever their coping mechanism is in regards of getting out of the house with as little interaction with dad as possible, But they're worried for fight flight. And then they go to a classroom and they're supposed to sit there and they're supposed to be regulated. And they're supposed to listen to the teacher and they're supposed to follow instructions when their nervous system is just bouncing off the ceiling. So their disruption in behavior is because their home life is so toxic and so dysfunctional that they're in survival mode that they have to, that they're trying to avoid. They're listening for dad there before they come into the room. They're avoiding if he comes home, they're trying to leave and they're trying to be out of the house as much as possible so that when they only go home, they're going home and going to bed. That avoidance tactic, too. So this youth was struggling in school with suspensions, in school suspensions. They knew the limits in a sense of what they could do because they definitely didn't want an at home suspension. The in school suspensions are in the office. They're still avoiding home. So working with this youth was trying to help them even understand that that their behaviors in school where it with the root causes was coming from the elevation and their nervous system that they physically did not have the ability to sit in a classroom for one full class that is all and especially coming from um because they were in junior high here and do it's where you at the. Um so uh the ability they didn't have the ability to regulate to focus on that class for when the bell would ring at the end of class to pick up what they were doing have the ability to sit down another subject five minutes later completely sort of forget about what they're working on start working on this new subject with this new teacher who has a different teaching tactic who has a different approach when it comes to teaching different presentation trying to adapt to all of this when their nervous system is in chaos so it's helping them recognize that the root causes their struggles where their struggles is in the classroom where their struggles is in in life right now their avoidance tactics of a home where it's coming from and then trying to help them advocate for themselves in the school system and school counselor was connected but not knowing the true extent of what was happening so and trying to help the client it's not that you have to tell everybody your life experience but encouraging them to advocate for themselves as much as they were possible in conversations with the school administration so that accommodations could be made that they may be arrived to class five minutes after class starts so they're not coming in with the hustle and bustle and everything kind of going on where they're already sort of dysregulated and heightened that they can come in where it's. Kind of calmer and where they have the opportunity that maybe it is if they sit for 15-20 minutes and then they go out do a lap of the hallway come back in for 15-20 minutes that their body needs motion that maybe they get to stand at the back of the class or maybe they get a fidget chair or something like that and then maybe they get to leave like five minutes before the end of the class what are their tactics what are the skills and tools can we help them develop to help them lower that sort of reactive response from their nervous system and then also trying to help them. Develop the ability to communicate to dad as much as we can't control other people we can control ourselves and it's very hard when you're a 14 15 year old and dad is a big grown-ass man and being sort of very sort of aggressive with you but it's how can we help them in those situations in the communication back to dad in a sense like to very quickly summarize the sense of like like do you is this this is how you really want to speak to me like is this how you want to speak to your daughter this is like I'm 14 is this like is this okay for you to speak to me like this and there was a lot more conversations than that because again dad is aggressive we don't want to antagonize him we don't want to risk sort of blowing things up and so there was a lot of conversations around use the information that we have when um is opportunities to have those conversations like there was opportunities with dad where he was calm and he was remorseful and he was apologetic like there was times where he would come back and apologize not all the time but it's like how can we use those um opportunities to our advantage so that he's walking away with more accountability he's walking away recognizing the impact because prior it would just be it's okay it's all right dad no you're okay it wasn't you know like she would brush away the incident like when he would try to apologize so it's trying to help her recognize the resilience within herself. And giving her the ability to have those conversations when the opportunity was there with dad so he could take accountability. And when the nervous system is dysregulated, as you're talking about, Louise, that means the sympathetic, the fight-flight, is in hyperactive mode. And the parasympathetic or the rest digest is not able to tap the brakes. So it's an overdrive. And what you were talking about, the capacity or the bandwidth cognitively and emotionally to deal with... A classroom where you have to sit down and listen and cooperate and collaborate and communicate, sometimes that's not possible, as you were saying, especially if they've come right from a chaotic environment. And a lot of the adaptive techniques, you've talked about the fidget chair, going for a 10, 15 minute walk, showing up five minutes later after the hustle and bustle settled down. These are all adaptive ways to try to help people regulate the nervous system so they can maybe even slightly increase the capacity. I think any of us can relate to that at the end of a crazy day, we've been busy work, crazy commute home, whatever traffic, that we don't have the capacity to have drawn out deep conversations sometimes. We're just not there. We're just running on fumes. But imagine someone going, that's their home life, day in, day out, and they're completely hypervigilant to dad's voice or where's dad in the room or whoever, who is the cause of this. So I'd like to shift, it's a segue at least, based on, you talk about polyvagal theory, which sits underneath or it layers pretty much a lot of what you do. I was wondering, could you explain it in plain English for our listeners who don't understand or who may not even come across that terms of what polyvagal theory is? And can you share an example of how understanding the nervous system changes the way you respond to moments in crisis? I know you did that just a little bit with your example, but I was wondering if we could expand on that. Yeah, it's the polyvagal theory, I think, is recognizing that the nervous system sort of runs the show. It's an element of and piece of that. And I include that in conversations with the clients. I even had one client actually literally two weeks ago say to me, they were a survivor of human trafficking. They're a young adult. And they explained how they never knew and never heard about the nervous system until before they met me. And these are one who have a history of negative experiences with support services and the only reason why they would receive mental health was because of my approach. I was driving to them, I was picking them up, they didn't have to walk into an office because they did not feel safe in that setting but it's that nervous system drives to show a sense of I suppose more and more studies are showing like up to potentially 95% of our day we're running on subconscious level so it's it's that nervous system messaging that's sent sent to our our brain stems this kind of really writes out to our body in a sense so it's helping them understand that aspect of our day-to-day and bringing them more in tune to that recognizing kind of giving them the um awareness to almost like question not question themselves I suppose it's kind of wrong way in explaining it but the quickest way in explaining it now is like evaluating why am I feeling this why am I reacting like this why is this triggered in me and not to say to always do that but it is recognizing that our earlier childhood experiences and our early childhood experiences sets the foundation for our ability and that foundation for our ability for coping regulation resilience and all that is set in the nervous system so if we're not happy with how we respond to something it's kind of recognizing well I wasn't maybe model the best way and I responded the way I was taught. So it's like, this is something that I want to retrain. This is something that I don't want to keep continuing to grow it. And I want to, um, uh. Repair before i pass it down to my kids um so it is recognizing that the nervous system and with the polyvagal is kind of what's coming from the top down what's coming from the bottom up what um how the body responds and that messaging and um as easy layman terms when it comes to my clients like as i say to them when i meet like i'm not a counselor or therapist it's a traumatologist approach with that polyvagal the applied medicine psychology But I also say to them, too, I'm not a professor, so these are not hard to understand conversations. And I think that's also the other piece that really resonates with them, too, because they can understand the language. It's understanding that it's like if you get into parasympathetic and the amygdala and all of those technical terms, they're gone. You've lost them. But I can break it into those easy language terms for them. And in each of the conversations that I have with them it's like planting the seeds it's I won't say every single time I'm talking with them we're talking about the nervous system and but a lot of times it is is that understanding pieces planting the seeds with these so that in between sessions they're thinking about this themselves they're thinking about their reaction they're thinking about their triggers they're thinking about well why did that trigger me what was the behind the that too um and then recognizing that it's with those seeds is what we grow we grow the resilience we grow the regulation we grow the ability for them to see those skills that they adapted for survival and how we can turn them into resilience for moving forward and they're recognizing that the nervous system it's it's the messaging that we get from the nervous system is what tells us kind of runs our day-to-day in a sense and if are we happy with that and if we're not happy with that well that okay how can we look at that and how can we retrain that and it is that recognizing that um As I said, it runs the show. The nervous system sort of runs the show and understanding what that show is, understanding how it presents in us, how it exhibits in us. Are we happy with it? Is it a repeated behavior from what we were exposed to? And how can we change that? How can we rewire that nervous system? A lot of it is understanding the shutdown, understanding that the nervous system reaches a point where it can't. I suppose not to say that it can't continue, but a shutdown in a sense of when it's reached its capacity for the ability that it has. So it's recognizing what that capacity is, what level where that shutdown kind of comes from and how can we go back to that inner child? How can we go back to looking at where the chaos and maybe the dysfunction was experienced and how we can repair that looking backwards? It's understanding we can't change the past. There's nothing we can do about the past, but we can definitely learn from it. We can use it as stepping stools, as platforms to pivot off from moving forward to set ourselves up for success. And it's one of the things I say to most of my clients whether it's on the road or whether it's in the office is one of the best things about life it's a never-ending opportunity to be the best version of ourselves we never have to get it perfect now we never have to know everything now but once we're on the path to understand and just continue to do better be the best version of ourselves am I happy with who I am and the rewiring the nervous system as we are doing that it's recognizing we can't go back but we can definitely have a different future when we know what to rewire and what to work on yeah because earlier to circle back you were saying you know to chew on gum or what have you it's that chewing motion that sort of starts the metabolism which is part of the the rest digest part that can calm things down so you employ very simple but profound techniques that can actually influence the the nervous system such as chewing And I guess there's breathing techniques that many of us hear about and such. Are there other skills that you teach these kids, these young adults, that they can take control, that they can take some level of agency back to help themselves? Yeah, again, because a lot of these youth regulation has been modeled for them. Their parents are struggling and it's not to blame the parents. I believe that the parents are doing the best that they can with the system that they have, with the capacity that they have. But regulation and that has been modeled for them either, maybe healthy relationships. So for youth, I give a few different exercises, different ideas for them, depending on where they are. So if they're in school. I do always encourage them to have the conversation with administration as much as they're comfortable in having. But jumping jacks and wall pushups are things you can do on the spot. So if they're able to go to the washroom or if they're able to go out to the hallway as part of that, if they have that conversation with the school to where, hey, I might need to leave after 15, 20 minutes. And if they do leave, they're going for that walk or they're doing 20 jumping jacks or 20 wall pushups. Get the body moving get that circulation going again sort of work out the dysregulation that's coming up gum again chewing gum um in my car um i bring them for like get them food via drive-through and but always in the glove box in my car i have packets of gum and i say to all of my clients it's always there it's always in the glove box help yourself at any session um and take what the gum that you want i have a great partnership with our local food bank the black falls beyond Food Community Hub here in Black Falls. Any gum they get, they give it to me. I also have a partnership with them. Actually, they help me go in and get food boxes. If some of my clients don't have much food at home, I can bring food boxes to them. But even in my private practice, before sessions with my clients, I have a mini crockpot on my counter outside the office. I put in soup, chili or stir fry, and I plug it in and I have snacks in my office all the time. and at the end of sessions and with the applied neuropsychology sessions that I facilitate in office, they're about an hour and a half to two hours. They're an hour and a half session, but I always block two hours with my client because if they're not ready to wrap up in an hour and a half, I don't want to box that and say, hey, come back for the next session. We sort of wind down. I gauged what they need on the day, but after session, I'm giving them a hot meal. I'm giving them along with the education of when you're talking about hard things, you know, It's depressing. It's draining on the whole body. And that often is what prevents us from going back and wanting to talk about hard things because it feels so heavy afterwards. And depending on their story, depending on their lived experiences, for some, they might not feel heavy. For others, they could for a few hours a day or two and so maybe for a couple of days. So the education piece to feed your body when you're in that depressive state helps you sort of not sink into it for more. But also that regulation piece we're feeding our body and letting ourselves know we're safe we're vulnerable but we're safe we've been holding on to something that we we need to release from our nervous system and we're safe here in doing that and and that food gives up yes it's that chewing motion of the jaw but it's also that the feeding nourishing is more of a holistic approach I suppose mental health it's not just talking about hard things it's recognizing the impact that talking is doing on our body and it's nourishing it when we're there too so encouraging, the chewing of gum in between sessions encouraging snacks that hand motion helps crunchy so whether it's chips or apples cutting up apples into into small bite-sized pieces and the hand motion to. Um another tool is a dive reflex so if you're at home or from a client through it maybe in an office and have the opportunity um a bowl basin sink bucket of cold water um hold your breath and stick your face in the water for as long as you can take a deep lift up your head take a deep breath and put your face back in the water again for as long as you can and that helps uh reset the nervous system too so it's it is. Giving them different tools depending on the environment that they're in um another tool another uh exercise that my supervisor my applied medicine psychology supervisor actually gave me was um ear to shoulder and just looking at your eyes up to the ceiling and for one minute on one side and kind of doing the same for one minute on the other side and checking in on your body feeling how your body is feeling and for some um if uh if you're in school you can do it and look up and you can put your hand like that so it looks like you're thinking because kids don't want to be different so if they're here and they're looking up at their hand like it looks like they're thinking about something but it's with intention and then they move to the other side and they can because you can just move your eyes up to the ceiling and your head is straight in front but it can look sort of intentional without giving away that i'm dysregulated right now about to lose my shit i need to calm down i need to calm my system i do have steps that i send to my clients and because there's also and especially for i usually take um screenshots and text it and i recommend my clients to have a folder in their phone to add these kind of suggestions too because when you're regulated in a session you can remember it but when you're dysregulated a week later you're like what the. Did Louise say again, like, what was that technique? So it is, have it in an album, your phone. I know there's schools now where phones are not allowed. So again, that conversation with administration, that kind of heads up. It's like, I'm definitely not encouraging kids to have phones with them in school. I think it's, they can have them in their locker, but I definitely don't think kids should have them in their classroom. That's, I think, another podcast for another day on the effects that that has on kids in the classroom. But the recognition of if it is that this is some tools for them, that maybe they have the ability of having that in a place, even in the office, that maybe even maybe another conversation I actually should have with the schools, that maybe they have some pictures of these in the bathrooms and maybe in some of the hallways. So that when kids are dysregulated, that they can see it and they're reminded of it. So I thank you for asking me that question because it's given me that idea to contact the schools to say, hey, can you plaster these exercises throughout? Because I didn't think of that before, but I have been saying to clients, make that folder in your phone somewhere that's easy accessible. That you know exactly where to go to, that you're not trying to footage through messages and kind of scrolling backwards. Um so yeah it is recognizing that when we're dysregulated it is what works and i know it's easier said than done because um especially when we're developing these skills that haven't been there before like it takes a while for the nervous system and our brain to get comfortable with it because our brain always wants to be comfortable and our brain is comfortable what it knows best what knows best is what it does more often so if it's not used to doing these tools and techniques is kind of going to fight against it in a bit. So also... And encouraging them to kind of practice when they're starting to feel sort of distracted if something's happening at home or if they're feeling sort of off try a couple of the different techniques at different times to see what lands with you because there's always suggestions there's always people saying oh this really worked for me and this is awesome you should do this but it's what lands for you and I think the the breathing tactic too there's a different breathing exercises and that I kind of laugh sometimes. I have lots of my friends who have recommended multiple, multiple times that I should do yoga. And I've tried yoga three times and my brain will not shut up long enough for me to enjoy yoga. I just want to get out of there. Again, I got my ADHD breathing. But I do remember like that box breathing of the whole for breathing for four and hold for four, breathe out for four and wait for four before you breathe again. That was something that came up years ago in the training that and the trauma my first role in trauma training kind of came up and it always annoyed me like it just it was almost like that to me was like nails on a blackboard right that's just my my my nervous systems reaction but i was listening to a podcast years ago with renee brown and she was saying how she was working with the navy seals and they started talking about this tactical breeding and it was the very same steps It was the very same box steps and it was just the different language, tactical. And I know my brain grasps that quicker. So I, you know, when I tell myself tactical, there's a different response in my body and I can feel the different response. So I use that too with the clients too. It's recognizing that sometimes the technique might work, but the language we're using for it might not. And it's recognizing, I think, that's educating ourselves what we need, what lands with us, what works for my system. I think it's also important to understand that, you know, for many of us, you know, when the nervous system is dysregulated, it doesn't mean just because you breathe a technique for 10 minutes that you're completely regulated again. It can take hours for it to slowly step down, right? It's not a light switch. It's more like a dimmer switch. And so it's understanding that there are different techniques, but that it doesn't just happen at a snap of the fingers. It takes time for the system. And it can take literally hours for some people, right? I know it does for me. When I get dysregulated, it takes time for my nervous system just to calm down. It can take hours for me particularly, right? And I agree with you. We need to find what lands with us, what works for us. Because not all techniques, and that's why I think it's what's really interesting to hear, Luis, what you suggest is a number of techniques, right? Whether it's chewing gum, whether it's going for a ride, whether it's eating, whether it's putting your face in a cold water, whether it's talking things through, right? There's a number of techniques. I mean, what has working closely with these at-risk youths, per se, taught you about resilience that most of us never see? And there's a second part of that question. I'm wondering what keeps you grounded enough to work through this sustainably so you don't tip over the edge? Great question. I think that ebbs and flows. Sometimes I feel I'm near my edge and other times I'm like, oh, that was, you know, I'm back to normal again. And I think it ebbs and flows in a sense, like I am lucky that I have an amazing husband, an amazing family. Like my girls are so supportive and my husband is so supportive. Um and my dad even though he's in Ireland he still um uh grounds me um I think I recognize um I my brain is busy and my day-to-day is busy um and like I suppose my kids playing it and they all four of them playing it um so uh that in a sense is my grounding like they're as busy as we are with their ringette games and practices. It's like a family, like we've built a sort of a family with these families of ringette. We've been with for years. I think this is our ninth year of our kids playing ringette. So we've known these people, grown up with their kids, sort of in a sense. So every Tuesday and Thursday evening is practice. So I don't work Tuesdays and Thursday evenings. And I get to decompress with my ringette family. Weekends are always ringette games. I don't work weekends in extenuating circumstances if a youth is you know something has kind of hit the fan somewhere I'll and then they reach out to me I meet with them so that helps me kind of with my schedule and I recognize ringette is from September to April and for anybody who doesn't know what ringette is it's similar to on ice hockey except it's with a ring not a hockey puck and the stick is straight it doesn't have the curve on the end because I know my family in Ireland we're like what the hell is ringette we have to send youtube clips um same with people here in canada when we say about we were hurling is one of our sports back home they have no idea what hurling is and we have to send them youtube clips but um so uh ringette is from september to march um so i recognize um uh april i suppose april to june is softball i've girls in the place softball and soccer so my kids sports keeps me kind. Of grounded because i recognize like i do overextend myself with my schedule I do when youth reach out I do my best to kind of put them in and sort of maybe meet when I was I'm not supposed to be working or whatever but it's very limited it doesn't happen very often like the youth that do reach out in between our scheduled sessions is when something has gone south and I say that to the kids I say that like just because we've booked to meet maybe December 4th doesn't mean we have to wait for December 4th to meet if something happens if shit hits the fan in between shoot me a message and say hey. Can we meet sooner something happened like I can't guarantee what I have but I definitely like and I often have where um maybe something pops up and a client has to reschedule or whatever so things often pop up um so um uh but I suppose I I meant it back to the clients again but back about me and and uh yeah I think it's a work in progress in recognizing my own tools recognizing when I am busy and recognizing when it's a busy season of my life especially when my you know there's tournaments and sometimes there's quite a bit happening in a short space of time it's well I know I need to reduce my hours I know I need to maybe have a few more hours in office and maybe not offer as many dates and times to clients because usually I will send I will give options. To meet and they pick what works for them so I've learned not to give as many options because I need to be the best version of myself if I want to continue being able to help them um so it's it's continuously kind of checking on myself and recognizing is that is this um like stress from the story that I've heard or is this kind of stress from I've been overextending myself and really sort of paying attention to that and into I've integrated more podcast listening myself too and more reading and I'm always upgrading I'm always taking a course I'm always learning something new but I'm also very actively trying to commit to the book club that I'm a part of too so I have to read that book and I have to attend book club and I don't make it every single month but I definitely don't make the excuses I used in the past I might have attended once or twice a year in the past but now it's like no I need to like when I schedule something for myself I need to connect to myself as well. Yeah, so you are, you're quite aware when you need to sort of turn down the intensity so you can recharge, so you can be there. For other people but you need to sort of charge yourself before you can help charge others per se. Yeah um we are coming close to the top of the hour louise what message would you like to leave with our listeners whether it's a skill uh a thought to carry around with them, i think um for our listeners um depending on the audience of their role if they're in systems, looking at how they can change the system I think one of my biggest frustrations, is that expectation that people are supposed to fit the box for the system but if the system was built right to match what people need, was human focused there wouldn't be a box I think we, for years what I've heard, even like years ago when I first moved to Canada I knew, after about being here two years I knew I needed to meet more people I was very much, I suppose, still adapting to a new way of living, a new culture. But I volunteered. I started volunteering quite a bit because I knew the best way to be involved, to get to know people was to volunteer. And I very much wanted, like we chose Black Falls to live. So I wanted to be involved in my community. But one of the things in lots of different roles that I was involved in that was a repeated frustration is we're not getting the families we need to get. We're not getting the parents that we need to get. We're not getting the kids that we need to get. Too many systems, too many programs, I suppose, even though they say they're trauma informed, it's based around ticking a box. This meets this and this meets that because it's an easy audience. It's not putting the extra work in to grasp the audience that need it most, to grasp those who are unseen and often those who are not represented in statistics and studies and that too. Um so i think if if as a system um somebody's working in a system does your system meet um the ability to adapt to what these youth these high-risk system disconnected youth and their parents um like there's lots more i would love to do um with on them in in recognizing like i know i'm bringing the youth back to the environment as the catalyst their behavior but i know i'm just i'm doing something that was never done before so at least i'm capturing these kids now and My hope is to evolve that further. But if you are a system disconnected youth or if you are a parent who wasn't, who didn't come from the safest environment that maybe there was trauma in your background, it is important. Give yourself the grace to recognize you're doing the best you can with what you've been given in life. There is too much judgment, I feel. And I think that's why I really sort of trauma integrated is my belief, is my work system, is the passion that everything comes from. I already know where your nervous system is at once I even have a smallest piece of your background. And if I could just help more people relinquish the judgment and the shame and the guilt that they are holding on to that's preventing them from getting the help that they need it's like just if i um which is hard because finding the right person is hard it's it's difficult to tell your story and it not be the right fit and have to tell your story again and not be the right fit it's it's re-traumatizing in some environments but it's you're worth it um you you don't have to fight to find your worth you're worth it it is it's starting here and now and sort of just recognizing it's like just one step one percent a day if we can improve ourselves by one percent a day that's huge in a year that's 365 percent um if i'm yeah something like that yeah yeah yeah true um so it is it's that one percent sometimes we um uh now i even i i just totally when i went wrong there were the wrong numbers it was like but uh no but i mean small improvements even one percent is a significant improvement you know every day is a reset and if we can see that for me like i play golf sometimes you know i don't see it as 18 like one game i see it as 18 games right so i i have a chance to reset every hole and I think sometimes it's the same thing if we can see each day as okay I go to bed get up. New chance, new me, new start. Let's see what the day brings. And it's not always easy to get into that mindset. But slowly, as you said, over time, what we think consistently becomes who we are, per se. I know, Louise, you give a lot of speeches and you run workshops on this type of thing. I was wondering if someone wanted to reach out to you, do you do these online or is it more live events? Both. I can do both. I do prefer live personally, and that's just a personal choice. But because I do think that relational piece in some of the conversations. But yeah, online works, too. I definitely can provide them online because I do recognize that even though like with on and real youth, I cover in central Alberta. My office is based in Black Falls, but I cover from Camrose to Carstairs, Rocky Mountain House to Forestburg. So that's the area. So I have clients within 43 communities in that area. So in that area, I can travel to any of those communities to present. So I do recognize outside of that is probably more restrictions or difficulties in a sense. And so I can provide online. But yeah, I suppose Calgary and Edmonton, I can travel to too. But yeah, inline and on-person works. Well, thank you very much for your time today, Louise. I found it a fascinating conversation. And it really resonates with me with your trauma-integrated approach by creating a bespoke or a more tailored therapy, per se. Depending upon the child's or the young adult's needs and you tailored to fit that as you said quite eloquently not everything lands with us and we have to sometimes little trial and error to see what really works for ourselves as it is when working with youth or young adults for sure definitely awesome well have a great rest of your day i hope the evening isn't too too dark and talk again. The idea held back at the start of this episode is that resilience doesn't come from pushing harder. It comes from being met by someone who can hold steady when your own system can't. That thread ran through everything Louise shared today. When she meets a young person in her car, gives them something to eat, or lets them move while talking, she's teaching them, without saying it, that their nervous system makes sense. Their reactions aren't random. They've been shaped by what they've lived through, what they've experienced. And once someone understands that, the whole conversation changes. Behavior becomes information, not a flaw. Louisa reminded us that when a kid can't sit still in a classroom, it isn't defiance. It's the body doing its best with the tools it has. And sometimes the most effective intervention is incredibly simple. It might be to arrive 10 minutes later when the hallway chaos is settled. Maybe it's to take a movement break because sitting still isn't an option. Or perhaps it's having someone explain polyvagal basics and words that actually mean something. Luis showed how regulation often starts with small physical things. Chewing gum, a bit of food, an exercise that drops the heart rate. A moment to catch your breath. These aren't tricks. They're ways of giving the nervous system a foothold. And maybe that's the real takeaway for the rest of us. You don't have to be a clinician to offer something helpful. You can be the person who slows down a conversation, who keeps your voice steady, or who notices when someone is overwhelmed before they even realize it themselves. That small shift, your calm meeting their chaos, well, it can change the way their brain writes the moment. Luis, thank you for the generosity of your work and for bringing us so much honesty into the conversation. What you're doing with these young people is a reminder of what's possible when we meet human beings as human beings, not as problems to solve. So if something in this episode stayed with you, dear listener, share it. Someone in your world might need exactly this kind of perspective. And if you haven't already, subscribe or follow the show so you don't miss what's coming next. Until next time, keep well, keep strong, and we'll speak soon.